Defender of the Faith & Standup Comedian
I Once Held Court Attended By Every Ambitious Man In England But The Networking Event Gave Me A Name Badge And A Warm White Wine | Henry VIII attends a professional networking evening and discovers that ambition now travels with a laminated badge and considerably worse wine
I Once Trained An Army To Fight With Genuine Purpose But Boxercise Class Simply Wanted Me To Punch The Air In Time With The Music | Henry VIII attends a boxercise class and discovers that modern combat training answers primarily to a playlist rather than any actual enemy
I Once Owned Palaces The Size Of Small Towns But This Listing Called A Cupboard A Second Bedroom | Henry VIII views a flat advertised as cosy and bijou and learns exactly what those words are hiding
I Once Controlled The Flow Of An Entire River By Royal Decree But The Thames Barrier Closed Without Asking Me First | Henry VIII watches the Thames Barrier close for a routine test and discovers an engineering marvel with no interest in royal consultation
I Once Commanded Which Side Men Stood On In My Presence But The Escalator Rules Confused Me Entirely | Henry VIII learns the unwritten law of standing on the right and discovers London enforces it more strictly than any statute he ever passed
Six Wives Taught Me Nothing Compared To One Week On The Dating Apps | Henry VIII reports from the front lines of modern romance and finds the swiping economy crueller than any Tudor court
The King returns to the stage to discuss fashion, marriage, and the fine art of holding a grudge Good even to thee, good people of …
The King weighs in on Britain’s newest levy, from a man who genuinely wrote the book on taking people’s money Good even once more, mine …
I Silenced Critics With A Single Word But My Book Club Would Not Let Me Finish The Sentence | Henry VIII joins a book club and discovers that six strong opinions in one living room outrank a monarch
I Ruled England With An Iron Fist And Still Cannot Get A Flat In Zone 4 | Henry VIII takes the microphone to explain why the London housing market is the first opponent he has ever respected
I Once Broadcast My Will To The Entire Nation Freely But The TV Licence Letter Frightened Me Into Compliance | Henry VIII receives a TV licensing enforcement letter and discovers a threat with more staying power than the Spanish Inquisition
I Once Seized An Entire Church But Could Not Win A Single Open House | Henry VIII attends a bidding war for a two bedroom flat and loses to a couple named Tom and Priya
I Once Dismissed Courtiers With A Single Word And No Ceremony Whatsoever But The Office Leaving Do Required An Actual Speech And A Card Everyone Signed | Henry VIII attends a colleague’s leaving do and discovers that modern departures are marked with considerably more warmth than his own ever were
I Once Commanded Absolute Silence In My Own Court But The Green Room Etiquette At A Comedy Club Has Its Own Unwritten Rules Entirely | Henry VIII learns the unspoken hierarchy of a comedy club green room, and discovers it runs on rules considerably stricter than his own court ever did
A guide to how British satirical outlets, this paper included, deliver their sharpest material directly to inboxes Email newsletters have become a genuinely significant distribution …
What happens when the institution that judges everyone else finally gets judged in return Ofsted occupies a distinctive position among British institutions: an inspectorate whose …
The questions readers actually send, with the answers the editor eventually agreed to give The inbox at prat.uk contains, alongside the tips, the complaints and …
Rooms, on-sales, and how to read the logistics
I Once Danced At My Own Court With Full Orchestra But The Silent Disco Gave Me Only My Own Headphones | Henry VIII attends a silent disco in the park and discovers a party he can only fully hear if everyone agrees to the same channel
I Once Wore My Own Medals With Total Confidence But The Poppy Seller Made Me Genuinely Nervous About Mine | Henry VIII buys a poppy for Remembrance Sunday and finds a tradition that humbles him more than any coronation
I Commanded Armies But A Personal Trainer Named Kyle Has Broken Me | Henry VIII signs up for a gym membership and discovers a tyranny worse than his own
I Delivered Proclamations To A Silent Court But This Wedding Speech Left Me Sweating | Henry VIII gives a best man speech and learns that a silent room is not always a sign of respect
Margaret Pole: The Brutal Execution That Still Haunts Henry VIII’s Reign | Why the botched 1541 execution of a 67-year-old countess remains one of Henry VIII’s darkest moments.
I Once Had An Entire Chamber Cleared At My Approach But The Fire Alarm Cleared The Office Without Asking Anyone’s Permission | Henry VIII experiences a routine office fire drill and discovers an evacuation more orderly than most of his own court proceedings
I Once Drank Mead By The Barrel As A Point Of National Pride But Dry January Nearly Finished Me | Henry VIII attempts a month without wine and discovers abstinence is a harder campaign than anything he fought in France
I Once Had Goods Delivered By Royal Barge But Click And Collect Made Me Queue Outside In The Rain | Henry VIII collects a parcel from a department store and discovers convenience has its own waiting room
The Reformation Parliament: How Henry VIII Legislated the Break With Rome | Inside the seven-year Parliament that transferred religious authority from Rome to Henry VIII’s crown.
Catherine Howard’s Downfall: How Her Past Caught Up With Her | How teenage secrets and a hidden affair with Thomas Culpeper brought down Henry VIII’s fifth wife.
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